I want to be somebody, just not THAT somebody
by Sitting Pretty Still
Summary: A short oneshot, taken from Draco's 6th year. We all know how Harry was feeling, but this takes a look at the dark side. rated K for total mildness, but a few concepts of death, doom and gloom.


_Ok, so a very short one shot. The concept was taken from the song Nemo, by Nightwish, and the marvellous analysis of said song taken from a random website. (for exact quote see below)_

_"Nemo is all about feeling misunderstood and having no identity, no place in this world. It is the endless struggle to find who you are, and what your place in this cruel world is."_

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Ask anyone in the wizarding world who I am- go on. They'll have heard of me, guaranteed. I'm not a half blood, nor a mudblood. I'm a _somebody_. I'm a Malfoy. And Malfoy's are, of course, special.

That's what I've been told since birth, and that is what I used to believe. Earlier this year, I was chosen. Ha, that's a laugh, isn't it? I was the chosen one. Only this time not by some prophecy. By something more powerful, and much, much scarier. I was chosen by Vol... By The Dark Lord. Before then, I was a child: totally innocent. Oh sure, I talked the talk, but when it came down to it, that was all. I didn't kill, I didn't maim. The most I did was try and get some meaningless teacher fired.

Then my dad got put in prison. I remember the last thing he said to me, "You're the man of the house now". Well, I certainly took it to heart. Started bossing about my mother (not exactly difficult- since dad was arrested, I swear she's losing it) and terrorising the latest house elf. I ruled my home, but nothing else.

It's different now. My master gave me a task. Of vital importance, he told me. And I was so excited, so thrilled to be taken seriously. I was scared, of course, but ready to murder for the Dark Lord. It even sounded easy. One doddering old man, with trust issues? No problem. Plus I was arrogant, I'll admit. I had people bowing down to me, taking my orders for the first time in my life (maids don't count). Admittedly, they were people like Pettigrew, or Greyback. But it was a start.

But my task isn't going so well. For one thing, he's hard to get at, hard to kill. I tried poisoning his food, sent him a cursed object. But no. I almost killed two other people by mistake. Nobody important, thank god. Just some reject Gryffindor and a blood traitor. But when I heard, when I realised what had almost happened... I was ill for days. Missed class, spent my time in an old abandoned bathroom, throwing up alone. No minions there for me then. Even my old friends were deserting me, since the Dark Lord was getting angry. The only person I had for company was just as lonely as me, and twice as pathetic. A ghost. She haunted the bathrooms I kept running to when I was ill. I gather that my master killed her (although by accident. Sort of.) Knowing that, you'd think she'd avoid me. But she didn't. She tried to turn me onto the path of righteousness. Telling me how good, how kind Dumbledore was. According to her, he came and saw her sometimes. Chatted about the old days. (Old days being the operative word: he's like...100, and Merlin knows when _she_ died). And, I'm sorry to say, it was starting to work. I began realising how out of my depth I was. I couldn't kill anyone! I was only sixteen, just about to come of age! But, nevertheless, that was my task. I tried backing out (subtly. You don't tell the Dark Lord no, not if you want to keep your life) but it didn't work. And now I'm stuck, trying to murder the seemingly un-murderable. If I don't manage it, not only am I dead, but my father, my mother, everyone I really care about are too.

So you see, I have no choice. No matter what I want, that old man is not worth dying for, or letting my family die. I know that to be true. So why am I having such a hard time sleeping? I get nightmares, you know. About people I've seen tortured, about the people I almost killed, about _him_. And then I wake up, screaming. According to the boys in my dorm, I keep waking them up, so they chucked me out. "Can't sleep" they said. "Not worth the hassle." Well, if they think they have it bad, they should try being me. Forced to kill. Can't sleep for more than three hours, and I haven't had a dreamless night since Merlin knows when. Nobody left to talk to, except a ghost. I even sleep with her now (no, not like that, sicko). Since my roommates made me homeless, I share her bathroom. I had to clean it up first. You have no idea how filthy it was. Damp, dank, and for some reason there were bloodstains, and what looked like ink, by one of the sinks. It's not too bad now. A bit of transfiguration, a bit of bedding and it was like a miniature Slytherin camp out.

So anyway, that's my life. Dad in jail, mother on the verge of breakdown, without a friend in the world. And as if that weren't enough, here's my master, the inescapable Vol..Voldemort ordering me about, making me his personal assassin. I'm not stupid. I know he thinks I'll fail, planned for me to fail, thinks I can't succeed. But I will do. I have a plan. An ace up my sleeve, if you will. And when it's all over, everything can go back to being normal. I won't have to be the spy, or important. I can just be a son. That's all I want.

I want to be somebody. Just not _this_ somebody.

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_Well, there you have it guys. Waddya think? R&R_


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